"Have you ever noticed that anyone going faster than you is a maniac and anyone going slower than you is an idiot?"
George Carlin Quote that is!! I know his jokes anywhere...
more George Carlin:
“Excuse me, officer, but would you mind bringing the wreckage a little closer this way? My wife can't see”
“Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that ...”
“If God had intended us not to masturbate he would've made our arms shorter”
“Fighting for peace is like ******* for virginity”
“Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things”
“The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live”
“I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It's so fuckin' heroic.”
“The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A Death! What's that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you're too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating...
...and you finish off as an orgasm.”