AuthorTopic: All Hell Breaks Loose - My CCS fanfic SxS!!  (Read 3344 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Rakkushimi-YT

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 2
All Hell Breaks Loose - My CCS fanfic SxS!!
« on: May 09 2007, 04:27 am »
pwetty pweaz read it!!

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3353135/1/

thankies!!  ;D ;D

Offline suu_no_clover

  • Syaoran shipper. Beware the OTP. >:E
  • "A True Fan"
  • *****
  • Posts: 1,004
  • Gender: Female
  • Listener; Lurker; 'Lol'-er.
Re: All Hell Breaks Loose - My CCS fanfic SxS!!
« Reply #1 on: May 10 2007, 12:01 pm »
From reading the first half page, the cast seems entirely out of character. =)

...Yup. Sakura doesn't really cross me as the type who "puts the ruth in ruthless" (What the hell does that mean, anyway? Is her name "Ruth"? o_O;). Sorry, I don't care if it's an AU or whatever, characters still have their distinct personalities, and you've neglected to stick to them. The bold face and caps are annoying as well.

If I had to give it a rating, it'd be 3/10. The three stars are for decent grammar.
~*~sparkly signature goes here~*~

Livejournal // Last.FM // MyAnimeList

Offline Rakkushimi-YT

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 2
Re: All Hell Breaks Loose - My CCS fanfic SxS!!
« Reply #2 on: May 11 2007, 02:12 am »
From reading the first half page, the cast seems entirely out of character. =)

...Yup. Sakura doesn't really cross me as the type who "puts the ruth in ruthless" (What the hell does that mean, anyway? Is her name "Ruth"? o_O;). Sorry, I don't care if it's an AU or whatever, characters still have their distinct personalities, and you've neglected to stick to them. The bold face and caps are annoying as well.

If I had to give it a rating, it'd be 3/10. The three stars are for decent grammar.

I have only done 4 chapters. I haven't finished the story. I haven't even done a quarter of it! Before criticising me, think about whether there is a reason why the characters such as Sakura behave like that. When I've finished the story, come back and see whether you can still argue that I've neglected the character's original personalities.

Offline Ando

  • Just wasting my days...
  • Obsessed Fan
  • ***
  • Posts: 425
  • Ando's profile is a non-smoking area.
Re: All Hell Breaks Loose - My CCS fanfic SxS!!
« Reply #3 on: May 11 2007, 08:22 am »
I will have to agree with suu_no_clover; this, to me, doesn't seem like an AU Sakura - it rather looks like the polar opposite of everything that Sakura is. The very point of fanfiction is, to me, to portray the characters accurately and, in the case of AUs, making their personalities different but still keeping true to their 'soul', in lack of a better word.

Sure, you may have good reasons as to why your cast behaves as they do that eventually will be revealed (although I have a hard time seeing Sakura being like that no matter what she's been through), and it's understandable that you feel frustrated when people don't take the time to read through it all, but you know, that is how it works. No one will bother to read a story just because the author promises it will eventually pick up and that answers will be provided in due time - it has to be good from the very beginning.

In other words, I think you've started in the wrong end; it would have been better to start off with a Sakura not too different from the one we know, and then gradually let her evolve into 'your' Sakura, allowing the readers to see what causes her to become like this. As it is now, people will take one look at it and assume that you don't know CCS. I hate to be harsh, but I have to be honest.

On that note, try not to disregard people's opinions on your writing even if you don't agree with their standpoint - in fact, it is the ones who dislike what you do that you should listen to extra carefully, even if their words may not exactly be pleasant to hear.
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more: it is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.

Offline drake

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 7
  • Gender: Male
  • The Guardian of Kaos
Re: All Hell Breaks Loose - My CCS fanfic SxS!!
« Reply #4 on: August 08 2007, 01:24 pm »
Hate to break it to you, but I agree with Ando and Suu_no_Clover.  You've got a combination of an Alternate Universe fic combined with out-of-character behavior.  When Syaoran didn't show up immediately, I held out faith that you were going to get to how Syaoran dumped Sakura for a "pretty girl" or something, which would've been perfect.  Then he showed up on his hog and I was pretty crestfallen to realize this being another "S+S as an estranged couple" fic.  The reason for this is because, when you have an alternate universe fic and an out-of-character main character, all you basically have is a story of your own design.  In your case the lead character is, frankly, an unmitigated b*tch who just happens to have the same name as CLAMP's favorite daughter.  Believe me, I'm all for the whole "Sakura's not the innocent Cherry Blossom you may remember..." plot, hence being the author of Chaos Card Captor Sakura, but there's never an excuse for a character's thoughts and background to simply not compute.  With all the original characters you already stuffed into it, you may as well have just wrote this as a standalone individual story, rather than trying to disguise it as a CCS fanfic.  You seemed to have a firm grasp of where you wanted to go with your fic, which makes it all the more of a shame that you hogtied yourself to any CCS characters at all.  Not to beat the dead horse any further, but to make a long story short, it's a good story, but not a very good fanfiction, if you catch the difference.

That aside, the writing style is very engaging with its vernacular narrative.  I won't comment towards your random boldings.  We all have our own writing styles.  Personally, I'm an italics junkie.

Offline Arcademan

  • Hero of CLOW Empire & the Arcademan Universe!
  • Warlord of Clow
  • > Supa-Dupa Fan! <
  • *****
  • Posts: 6,337
  • Gender: Male
  • Warlord of CLOW!!!
Re: All Hell Breaks Loose - My CCS fanfic SxS!!
« Reply #5 on: August 08 2007, 03:44 pm »
I have only done 4 chapters. I haven't finished the story. I haven't even done a quarter of it! Before criticising me, think about whether there is a reason why the characters such as Sakura behave like that. When I've finished the story, come back and see whether you can still argue that I've neglected the character's original personalities.
Well, you asked us to read it. We did and we offered opinion and you jump on us for criticising?!!

Pot. Kettle. Black.

"Everything will surely be all right." 「絶対大丈夫だよ。」, "Zettai daijōbu da yo."
"Force without Master, heed the call of my Staff of Dreams, and become my power! SECURE!!!"
Neo-Geo: Come for the games, stay for teh drama!