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Arcademan:
WWE Smackdown Results: 2-6-09

Results courtesy of PWTorch.com (direct link to Caldwell's complete report).

(1) BATTLE ROYALE. Scotty "Colt" Goldman was tossed outside first. Poor guy. Ross told him to head back to .com. Kizarny was knocked out. Son of Bam Bam, Jesse, was out, followed by Shelton via MVP. Pick up an MVP vs. Shelton program on Smackdown soon. Chavo then dumped out MVP and Shelton booted MVP on the floor. Let's get a break.

Chavo out via Khali, then Fu Naki out via Khali. The Kendrick was out next via Khali. Hawkins & Ryder were still in there along with Primo & Carlito. Khali then dumped out Hawkins and Ryder before Kozlov snuck up behind Khali and took him out. Final four of Kozlov, tag champs, and R-Truth. It took a triple dropkick to get Kozlov off his feet, but Kozlov dumped the tag champs out when they tried to lift him out. Kozlov then easily discarded of Truth for the win. WINNER: Kozlov in 10:00. Just a basic battle royale to put the mid-carders on the same level and ensure no one stood out beyond Kozlov and Khali.

So, it's Edge vs. Hunter vs. Taker vs. Show vs. Kozlov vs. Jeff Hardy in the Smackdown Elimination Chamber at No Way Out. Kozlov took the mic post-match and said he will be champion in the Chamber.

(2) U.S. champion SHELTON BENJAMIN vs. MVP -- non-title match. Shelton dominated early on as MVP worked babyface to set up his comeback. MVP nailed a bicycle kick at 5:00 for a close nearfall, but Shelton went back on the offensive. Shelton and MVP butted heads in the corner, then MVP nailed a Chono boot for the pin and the win. WINNER: MVP in 6:00. Fine match to continue the program leading to a future title match.

(3) World tag champions THE MIZ & JOHN MORRISON & THE BRIAN KENDRICK (w/Ezekiel Jackson) vs. WWE tag team champions CARLITO & PRIMO & R-TRUTH. Truth rapped his way to the ring, which TBR wasn't amused by. Match started and Truth was isolated until Carlito finally took the hot tag. Carlito landed some impressive offense, then Miz and Morrison interrupted a pin attempt. Action broke down in the ring as ref Marty tried to restore order. Awkward exchange between Carlito and Kendrick, then Kendrick snuck up behind Carlito for a surprise Sliced Bread for the pin and the win. WINNERS: Team Kendrick in 6:00. Showed off a little personality from all six. Well, except for Primo, who didn't have much ring time. A chance for most of the men to stand out after the generic opening battle royale.

(4) EVE vs. MICHELLE McCOOL. Eve impressive early on, then McCool bailed to the floor for a breather. Eve took her eye off the ball allowing McCool to begin her heel attack. Eve came back at 3:00 with a nice dropkick, but McCool with a modified Dragon screw off the middle rope into a heel hook. Eve was forced to tap, giving McCool the decisive win. She wouldn't let go of the hold, though, so Maria stormed the ring to chase off McCool. Diva drama continues. WINNER: McCool in 4:00. McCool has found her way as a heel, especially with a few of the mannerisms she's subtly added.

(5) UMAGA vs. KUNG FU NAKI. Kung tried to run away, but Umaga grabbed him and nailed a straight kick to the chin. Kung was KO'ed, but Umaga dragged him to the corner to inflict more pain via the big running butt bomb. Great camera work there to put over the move. Umaga then measured Fu for the Samoan Spike and connected for the easy win. WINNER: Umaga in 2:00. Effective squash match to continue rebuilding Umaga his first two weeks back.

(6) WWE champion EDGE & THE BIG SHOW vs. TRIPLE H & THE UNDERTAKER. Back and forth action early, then Edge and Show cornered Hunter to keep him away from a Taker tag. Show missed with a Vader Bomb out of the corner, then Hunter landed a flip-over DDT. Taker finally took the hot tag and cleaned house. Edge thought he subdued Taker with a spear, but Taker slapped on the triangle choke. Show broke it up with a big leg drop, though. Edge and Show suddenly had a discussion that led to Show knocking down Edge with the big right hand blow to the jaw. Show slowly walked over to his corner, then Taker scooped up Edge and dropped him with the Tombstone Piledriver for the pin and the win while staring down Show, who quickly left the ringside area after the pin. WINNERS: Taker & Hunter in 16:00. Good showcase of the top talent on Smackdown. The tension between Taker and Hunter should be exploited on next week's show to create an issue between them leading to the Chamber match.

Arcademan:
TNA Against All Odds PPV Results: 2-8-09

Results courtesy of PWTorch.com (direct link to Caldwell's ongoing report) or Neo-Geo Forum: Official WWE Thread Post #8652 and posts thereater for in-ring results.

1 -- X Division champion ALEX SHELLEY vs. ERIC YOUNG -- X Division Title match
WINNER: Shelley in 14:00 to retain the X Division Title. Great opening match. This is a great heel persona for Shelley, who won because he out-smarted the opponent in a "dang you, Shelley" kind of a way without the stream of TNA interference. Very good opener. (***1/2)

2 -- SCOTT STEINER vs. PETEY WILLIAMS
WINNER: Steiner in 11:00. Well, that didn't help out Petey much. He was virtually dominated for ten minutes, had only a few moments of offense, and Steiner out-sized him and exploited the size difference rather easily. Match was okay. (**)

3 -- BRUTUS MAGNUS vs. CHRIS SABIN
WINNER: Brutus in 7:00. Not a memorable match. Brutus has to find his TNA character because TNA isn't helping him with that silly get-up. Not a good use of Sabin here. (*)

4 -- TNA Knockouts champion AWESOME KONG (w/Kongtourage) vs. ODB -- Knockouts Title match
WINNER: Kong in 6:00 to retain the Knockouts Title. Just fine. ODB put in a good effort as the underdog champion while Kong looked strong winning on her own for once. (*1/2)

5 -- Legends champion BOOKER T (w/Sharmell) vs. SHANE SEWELL -- Legends Title match
WINNER: Booker in 6:00 to retain the Knockouts Title. Subtle interference from Sharmell, which was fine. Booker's character development is very entertaining, which benefited Booker more than Shane in the overall match presentation. Not sure where they're going with Shane from here, as Shane didn't prove much of a point here. (*1/2)

6 -- ABYSS vs. MATT MORGAN
WINNER: Abyss in 16:00. Good, decisive win for Abyss. They did their best to uphold rules in this one, so a better effort compared to TNA's history of over-booking PPV matches. Beat the dead horse - more chairshots to the head? Really? (**1/2)

7 -- TNA tag team champions BEER MONEY, INC. (ROBERT ROODE & JAMES STORM w/Jacqueline) vs. CONSEQUENCES CREED & JAY LETHAL -- TNA Tag Title match
WINNERS: Beer Money in 15:00 to retain the TNA Tag Titles. Just what you would expect from this tag match. Standard, predictable TNA tag title match with Jackie's interference after a few hot tags from the challengers. (**)

8 -- TNA World Hvt. champion STING vs. KURT ANGLE vs. BROTHER RAY vs. BROTHER DEVON -- TNA World Hvt. Title match
WINNER: Sting in 14:00 to retain the TNA World Title. Clunky, with some bright spots, but not really a main-event-worthy title match. TNA's swerve was not to swerve anything, which was fine. They just didn't deliver a main event match that ever moved past first gear. It did advance Angle's jealousy of Sting, which we'll continue to follow on TV. (**)

Arcademan:
WWE RAW Results: 2-9-09

Results courtesy of PWTorch.com (direct link to Caldwell's complete report). Condensed here to in-ring action.

1 -- JILLIAN HALL & BETH PHOENIX (w/Santino Marella and Rosa Mendes) vs. Women's champion MELINA & KELLY KELLY

Jerry Lawler quipped that Jillian was disappointed not to be nominated for a Grammy last night. Rosa, the intern, ran interference at 2:30 and yanked Melina off the ring ropes when she wanted a springboard move on Beth. Beth then followed with the chicken wing front-face slam for the pin and the win.

WINNERS: Beth Phoenix & Jillian Hall at 2:45. Just a fill-in-the-template standard divas match. At least there's a purpose for next week. (1/2*)

2 -- PRICELESS (TED DIBIASE, JR. & CODY RHODES) vs. CRYME TYME (JTG & SHAD GASPARD)

Shad was very focused before the opening bell. Priceless waited through the initial flurry, then cornered Shad to work him over. JTG took a hot tag at 2:30 and cleaned house before the action broke down. Cody then grappled JTG from behind and hit a spinning facebuster, the Cross Roads, for the pin and the win.

WINNERS: Legacy at 3:25. Would have liked to have seen more between these two teams, as Cryme Tyme has shown improvement in the ring, and it would be nice to see them stretch out a longer match than the standard three-minute TV formula match. (*)

3 -- WWE World Hvt. champion JOHN CENA & REY MYSTERIO & KOFI KINGSTON vs. KANE & MIKE KNOX & CHRIS JERICHO

Match started in progress out of the break. Early on, Kofi landed a boom-boom leg drop, but Kane came back with a clothesline before tagging in Knox to work on Kofi.

Cena picked up a quick hot tag and he cleaned house on Knox with shoulder tackles and a sit-out slam. He then told Knox you can't see me before delivering the Five Knuckle Shuffle in center ring. Knox popped up to his feet and Cena wanted the FU...sorry, Attitude Adjustlamement, but Kane broke it up after fighting off the ref. On the outside, Cena rammed Kane back-first into the guardrail to allow the heels to work on Cena. Meanwhile, Michael Cole talked up the similar obstacles Cena faces on Sunday. Jericho tagged in and slingshot Cena throat-first across the top rope, then lifted Cena way up in the air for a front slam/toss and a nearfall. Jericho grounded Cena, who tried to power-lift into the FU, but Jericho blocked with a DDT at 4:00 of TV time.

Heels continue to work on Cena as the crowd was pretty involved in the action. Cena teased a comeback, but Kane cut him off with a sidewalk slam for a nearfall. Lawler with a good point that perhaps Cena's partners were allowing Cena to take punishment to soften him for Sunday. Kane wanted a chokeslam, but Cena ducked and nailed the FU. He was worn out, so he crawled across the desert to Rey for a hot tag. Rey came in hot with a sick head scissors on Jericho, followed by a mid-ring huracanrana. Rey with a bulldog for a nearfall when Knox smashed Rey from behind.

Rey and Knox battled, then Rey pulled down the top rope to send Knox flying to the floor. Jericho then ate the middle turnbuckle from Rey and Kofi took a hot tag to throw Rey into Jericho. Kane then grappled Rey and flipped him to the floor to cut off the red-hot Rey. Meanwhile, Kofi and Jericho battled in the corner. Kind of a weird sequence that ended with Kofi trying a springboard dive that Jericho countered in mid-air with the codebreaker. He covered Kofi and scored the pin for the win. Afterward, Knox and Kane weren't too happy with Jericho for winning. He smiled, then quickly ducked out like a good heel when he felt threatened.

WINNERS: Team Jericho at 7:20 of TV time. Really hot six-man tag match that allowed all six men to get some quality TV time. Nice use of Cena in peril to convey Cena in jeopardy on Sunday. The finish was a little off live, but a post-match replay made it look acceptable. Magic of replay. (**1/4)

4 -- SHAWN MICHAELS vs. MARK HENRY (w/Tony Atlas)

Michaels tackled Henry again, then the action moved to the floor. Michaels grabbed a chair and tossed it into the ring for use on Henry, but Henry stole it from him. No problem, as Michaels superkicked the chair into Henry's face to cause a DQ. After the bell, Lilian began to announce Henry as the winner, but JBL took the mic and reminded HBK that if he gets DQ'ed or doesn't adhere to the ref's rules on Sunday, then he owns Michaels forever. JBL said he will turn Michaels into Mickey Mouse and slap his likeness on everything that is JBL Corporation.

JBL then suggested Michaels bring his wife to No Way Out so she can watch a broken down man gamble away his life. JBL said he'll do what he always does: win. JBL began to leave, but he paused on the ring apron and re-addressed HBK. With a straight face, he said speaking of Michaels's wife, he thinks there will always be a place for such a beautiful and talented lady. JBL stormed out, then HBK let out some of his frustrations. He's ticking time-bomb ready to explode on Sunday.

WINNER: Henry via DQ at 0:58. Very nice set-up for Michaels vs. JBL on Sunday, which was somewhat lost in the shuffle before tonight's show despite the high stakes on the match. JBL's promos are rock-solid in not over-playing his hand as a heel and using the Jericho strategy of being subtle in his verbal attacks. (n/a)

5 -- IC champion C.M. PUNK vs. WILLIAM REGAL -- Intercontinental Title match

Regal landed a big knee smash early on, but Punk fought back with trademark body kicks. He wanted the G2S, but Regal slipped out with elbow smashes before slapping on a straight-jacket submission hold. Regal followed with Bryan Danielson elbow strikes, but Punk kicked out of a pin attempt. Very aggressive from Regal early on.

Regal hit a t-bone suplex before measuring Punk for a running knee to the face. Punk popped up, though, and kicked Regal in the face. He then lowered his kneepad and hoisted Regal up for the G2S directly on his exposed knee. Punk scored the pin for the win before selling some pain from Regal's early knee smash.

WINNER: Punk at 2:45 to retain the IC Title. Another quick match in this series. Just no reason to put any faith in WWE to build up the IC division when they didn't even pre-hype the only title match on the show and only give it three minutes of TV time. Match was good in the limited time given. (*1/2)

6 -- THE UNDERTAKER vs. RANDY ORTON

Hot start for Taker, who landed some furious fists before clotheslining Orton to the floor. Orton tried to gain control when Taker followed out, but Taker landed a chinbreaker across the top rope. Orton retreated on the floor again, but Taker snuck up on him with a hard clothesline to the floor.


Back from break, Orton was in control after nailing the trademark horizontal DDT from the second rope. Taker then fought back at 5:30 with rapid-fire right hand blows, but Orton snapped off a very impressive-looking powerslam to cut off Taker. Orton and Taker then had a standing exchange of right hand blows before Taker landed snake eyes in the corner and a big boot to the face for a two count following a leg drop.

Taker wanted the chokeslam at the top of the hour, but Orton kicked him in the gut. Orton tried to sneak in an RKO, but Taker blocked. He wanted the Tombstone Piledriver, but Cody & Ted stormed the ring to cause a DQ. Legacy worked over Taker three-on-one for a few minutes, then Orton cleared his boys back. He went down for an RKO, but Shane McMahon snuck in behind and tackled Orton. Taker chokeslammed Cody, then Shane landed some classic horrible punches on Ted to set up Taker for a chokeslam on Ted.

Meanwhile, Orton was on stage pacing around and yelling into the ring. Shane picked up a trashcan to a crowd pop and set it up on DiBiase in the corner for his classic coast-to-coast dropkick. Shane then went to the opposite corner and pointed toward Orton. After surveying the water below off the high dive, he leapt across the ring for his coast-to-coast. (The camera made a quick cut to a back-shot just in case Shane missed badly.) He did smash the trashcan, but came up holding his back. Shane then pointed to Orton, who was very upset on stage. They replayed the wide angle of Shane connecting, then closed with a stare-down between Shane (ring) and Orton (stage).

WINNER: Undertaker via DQ at 8:50. Well, you had to expect there wouldn't be a finish involving Raw's top heel and Taker (because it's Taker) right before a PPV. I wouldn't have closed with a non-finish before a PPV, nor another Shane McMahon moment, but the positioning on the tonight's Raw shows where WWE believes priority should be in selling the PPV. To think on the Raw before WWE's last PPV, Orton was mega-heel status. Three weeks later, he's playing that generic heel role once again.

Arcademan:
ECW on SciFi Results: 2-10-09

Results courtesy of PWTorch.com (direct link to Mayer and Caldwell's combined report).

Asst. editor James Caldwell's note: I'll mix in my thoughts watching the show to go side-by-side with Dominick Mayer's alt. perspective report.

A recap runs of the issues between Finlay and Jack Swagger over the past two weeks, including last week's match in which Finlay ended Swagger's undefeated streak with the assist from Hornswoggle.

No title sequence this week. Swagger is on his way out in ring attire. As Grisham points out, Swagger doesn't have his usual cocky smile tonight. He just looks somber, though not really in a cowardly heel kind of way. For the last two weeks, Swagger says he's been victimized and embarrassed. What does Teddy Long do? At No Way Out, the title is on the line against Finlay. Swagger says this is unfair. Well, now he's in cowardly heel mode. Boo. He's going to take care of Finlay, because he's going to take care of the real problem. He's calling out Hornswoggle, tonight. This could either be a heel generator or silliness.

Suddenly, Christian's music hits! What the hell? They reference this moment as instantly classic. Yay, TNA references! But, once again:

CHRISTIAN HAS RETURNED.

Caldwell: Christian looked like he hadn't missed a beat, as he was in control of the moment all the way to the ring. Definitely a superstar reaction for Christian.

Swagger looks shocked. Well, I daresay we all are at the moment. Swagger wants to know what he thinks he's doing. Christian says he's interrupting his promo. He's actually here to save Swagger's life. Christian goes after his lisp, which is kind of a drag. The Sylvester the Cat connection is finally made there. Christian cuts Swagger off to ask that he and his peeps are allowed to have their moment; it's been a long time. Swagger needs to drink it in. The real reason he's out here, and on ECW, is to take Swagger's title away. Christian is glad that Swagger isn't waiting for No Way Out, because he's challenging the winner of Jack Swagger vs. Finlay for the ECW Championship.

Swagger just asks if he's finished. He says that it means Christian is challenging him, and he couldn't hack it a few years ago, so he's not going to beat Swagger. He won the ECW title in four months, and he's a wrestling prodigy. He won't allow Christian to make his name at his expense. Christian is no threat to him. Really, now? Christian hits him with a mic to end the segment. Now, this was a weak Christian promo, especially on his return, but Swagger held his own, so I think it's for the best that Christian toned it down some. However, glad as I am to see Christian return, I think this undersells the No Way Out match now, because who really thinks Christian and Finlay are going to feud?

Caldwell: Nice return by Christian (even though it was on ECW). Only issue were the classic "mean" babyface elements of picking on Swagger's lisp and hitting Swagger with a mic before slipping out of the ring, but Christian can get away with it because he's Christian.

1 -- TOMMY DREAMER vs. THE MIZ (w/John Morrison)

Dreamer tackles Miz and punches him right out of the gate. He tries pulling Miz to the outside, but Miz kicks him into the barrier. He goes for a dive off the apron, but Dreamer throws him to the apron. Back in the ring, Dreamer drops a running elbow on Miz for a short two count. Dreamer runs Miz into the corner, but Miz counters. Miz kicks Dreamer in the ribs. Miz screams "who's your hero?" at the crowd while hitting Dreamer with forearm shots. Dreamer comes back with shots to the ribs and back body drops Miz before getting a bulldog. Sitting spinebuster by Dreamer for two. Miz goes for a knee in the corner, but Dreamer sidesteps him and gives him a reverse neckbreaker off the second rope for a near-fall before Miz gets a leg on the bottom rope. Morrison goes up to the apron, and when Dreamer knocks him off, Miz hits a dropping jawbreaker that doesn't quite look right for the pin and the win.

WINNER: Miz in 3:00. The ending looked a little awkward, but I guess they want to give Miz a new finisher. Decent match to forward the program of Dreamer being a loveable loser.

Caldwell: Dreamer is 0-3 since making the decree. We're missing that ingredient in the storyline chase, which Dreamer will hopefully begin to discover on the road to the June ECW PPV. It would be nice to have a little something more to sink our teeth into.

2 -- TYSON KIDD (w/ Natalya) vs. BAO NGUYEN

Striker puts over Kidd's training in the Dungeon. Kidd hits an atomic drop followed directly by a big spinning heel kick. Kidd doesn't get off Nguyen at any point. Hard roundhouse kick by Kidd for two. Chinlock by Kidd. Kidd comes off the ropes with a hard kick to the chest and then a low dropkick. A springboard elbow across the ring from the top rope ends it.

WINNER: Kidd in 2:00. So far, so good. On a slow-motion repeat, Kidd's kick earlier in the match looked pretty nasty.

Caldwell: Nice debut for Wilson. I don't think it's any coincidence they put the Bourne video package on right before Wilson's debut match. I would expect great things from a Bourne vs. Wilson TV feud.

3 -- JACK SWAGGER vs. CHRISTIAN

A mat exchange starts things off, with Swagger taking over early. They face back off. Swagger corners Christian and slaps him, but Christian hits a harder slap. Rollup by Christian for one. Christian escapes a bodyslam and after a brief exchange, gets a sunset flip off the second rope for a two count. Swagger retreats into the corner. Finlay and Hornswoggle are on their way down to the ring, all of a sudden. Break time.

Finlay and Hornswoggle are on commentary, and Hornswoggle is making crazy sounds, which is getting really annoying really fast. Swagger gets a nice roll-through takedown on Christian in the ring. Christian breaks free, but Swagger cuts him off with a boot. Stomps in the corner on Christian. Grisham asks Hornswoggle what he thinks of his father's chances on Sunday, and Hornswoggle responds by screaming. That was actually funny. Swagger puts Christian up on the top rope, but when he tries to climb, Christian fights him off and gets a gigantic tornado DDT for a close two count. Christian brings the offense, hitting Swagger with a death drop. Christian goes up top and goes for a flying headbutt, but eats canvas. Swagger rolls him up, but only gets two.

Christian goes for the Impaler, but Swagger evades. Swagger goes for a belly-back suplex, but Christian breaks free and rolls Swagger up for two. Swagger goes for a splash out of the corner, but Christian rolls away. A weird move ensues when Christian tries to get back into the ring and Swagger jumps on his midsection to pull him. Swagger throws Christian into Finlay and Hornswoggle at ringside. Back in the ring, clothesline by Swagger. Swagger goes to loosen a turnbuckle, but Christian rolls him up for two. Christian goes for the impaler, but Swagger counters into an electric chair setup. Finlay distracts Swagger long enough for Christian to escape and hit the Impaler for the win.

WINNER: Christian in 12:00. Good return match, though nothing spectacular. It'll be interesting to see where they go from here with this return angle, and with Finlay.

Caldwell: Interesting dynamic with Swagger picking up another loss to show him in jeopardy against Finlay at the PPV, but it seems like Swagger has lost tremendous momentum since winning the ECW Title. I believe they should have established him as a dominating heel champion his first two months as champion, as opposed to having him run around backstage looking for his belt, then losing to Finlay last week, then losing to Christian this week. He needs a decisive win over Finlay on Sunday. Christian was solid in the ring making his WWE debut. Same style we're used to, but he held his own back in a WWE ring. Good showing by Christian tonight, even if it was an unadvertised debut on the third brand.

Arcademan:
TNA Impact! Results: 2-12-09

Results courtesy of PWTorch.com (direct link to Keller's complete report). Condensed here to in-ring results only.

1 -- STING & KURT ANGLE vs. TEAM 3D

Kurt Angle made his ring entrance to his music followed by Sting to his music. No Mafia music this week so far. Tenay talked about the controversial statements Sting and Angle made about each other and the Mafia headed into Against All Odds. Team 3D came out next. Tenay complimented TNA management for "booking this quality high-profile match" based on what happened at Against All Odds. Wait, this is the same match as last week and the same four as in the PPV main event on Sunday, so it's more par for the course than something special in that context. Sting and Angle had a heated discussion before the match. West said Angle can be upset about not winning the title, but Sting earned it on Sunday so he has to deal with it. As Angle took a beating from 3D early, Sting reached out for a tag, but Angle didn't reach back. It was repeat of Angle's counterintuitive actions last week. Brother Ray hit Angle with a diving headbutt between his legs as Devon held him spread-eagle. When Angle bailed out to ringside, Sting got in his face. Angle shoved him. Sting took a deep breath, then shoved him back and asked, "What happened to the family?" They cut to a break at 4:00.

Sting was in the match after the break. When he reached to tag Angle, Angle jumped to the floor. Scott Steiner talked to Angle at ringside. Sting settled into a headlock on Ray.

Ray speared Sting at 9:00 to take Sting down. Both men were slow to get up as Angle cheered on Sting. When Sting got up and tried to tag Angle, Angle jumped to the floor. Devon beat up Sting, including a running kneelift for a two count at 10:00. A minute later Angle did the same thing. Sting patted Angle on the shoulder and slingshot him into the ring. Apparently that's a legal tag in TNA. Devon then schoolboyed Angle from behind as Angle was arguing with Sting, leading to the three count.

WINNERS: Team 3D in 11:00.

STAR RATING: * -- The point of this wasn't to have an actual wrestling match; it was just there to forward the Sting-Angle dissension.

2 -- SCOTT STEINER vs. "MAPLE LEAF MUSCLE" PETEY WILLIAMS

This was a no-DQ Headdress on a Pole match. Tenay said Steiner wants to prove that he and Petey are done. If you're a dom, usually you just break up with your sub partner verbally, but to each their own, I suppose. Steiner controlled early. Petey yanked Steiner crotch-first into the ringpost at 1:00, then raked his eyes back in the ring. Steiner came back and DDT'd Petey off the ropes. Tenay and West began talking more about the Sting-Angle situation. Steiner set Petey on the top rope, then climbed to the top himself and shoved his crotch into Petey's face, which is appropriate given the way this relationship has been portrayed on TV over the month. He teased reaching Petey's hand up to the head dress, then gave him a Frankensteiner. Tenay said he thought he had seen it all, but then he just watched a wrestler do a signature move that's named after him and he's shocked. Huh? Tenay said fans have to respect his athleticism. At 4:00 Steiner grabbed his lead pipe. Ref Rudy Charles tried to tell him to put it down. Why did he do that? It's a no DQ match! West even brought that up. The ref took the pipe from him. Steiner slapped him, but let the ref keep the pipe. It's stupid sequences like that which really irritate a lot of wanna-be TNA fans. Why in a no DQ match is a ref trying to stop a wrestler from using a foreign object? Seriously, it's just so stupid. Steiner climbed to the top rope, but Petey got up with a Tommy Dreamer Comeback and hit Steiner from behind. He then climbed up and grabbed the head dress, but he couldn't pull it down before Steiner met him at the top and gave him a suplex to the mat. Steiner then grabbed the head dress and won.

WINNER: Steiner in 6:00.

STAR RATING: *

3 -- TNA KNOCKOUTS PROGRESSIVE BATTLE ROYAL

I think my number one wish in pro wrestling is for Tenay and West to resist mentioning how hard it is for them to concentrate when the camera zooms in on the crotch of one of the Beautiful People rubbing the middle rope. For so many reasons. Angelina Love and Taylor Wilde began the match. Third in a minute later for Velvet Sky. Fourth in was Soujourner Bolt. Then Roxxi (who used to swear like a sailor, but now she's a mute). Cute Kip kept Sky from hitting the floor when she was knocked over the top rope. Madison Rain came out sixth. West called her a wildcard. Raesha Saeed was seventh. West said he'd like to see her face Awesome Kong because who knows her better?

Kip saved Love from elimination by catching her as she flew over the top rope. Rhaka Kahn entered eighth. The last entrant was ODB, who quickly eliminated Khan before she had a chance to be too clumsy. Kip again caught Sky. As Kip celebrated, Love and Wilde tumbled over the top rope together to the floor. Roxxi knocked Sky off the ring apron to elminate her. Bolt then eliminated Roxxi. ODB and Rain fought on the ring apron. Bolt dropkicked ODB off the ring apron to the floor, so it came down to Rain and Bolt. Rain scored a two count with a victory roll. Bolt finished Rain within a minute.

WINNER: Sounourner Bolt in 13:00 to earn a TNA Knockouts Title match.

STAR RATING: *1/4

4 -- CHRIS SABIN & ALEX SHELLEY vs. CONSEQUENCES CREED & "BLACK MACHISMO" JAY LETHAL

Lethal and Sabin opened the match with some rapid-fire action. Creed used a drop toe hold to send Sabin head-first into Shelley's crotch at 3:00.

Lethal hot-tagged in at 4:00 and he and Lethal went rapid-fire again. As Shelley rallied against Lethal, Lethal countered with his finisher for a sudden win.

WINNERS: Lethal Consequences in 5:00.

STAR RATING: ** -- Short, but a nice dose of third-gear athleticism.

5 -- ABYSS & RHINO vs. BEER MONEY INC. ("Cowboy" James Storm & Robert Roode w/Jacqueline)

They showed a clip from Sunday's PPV of Storm KO'ing Lethal with a chain supplied by Jackie to retain the tag team titles. After some early offense by the babyfaces, Jackie distracted the ref as Storm knocked him off the ropes to the floor.

The heels were on offense after the break. Tenay asked West if there's any chance Sting lays down for Angle. West said Sting has said it's all about respect and the belt would be tarnished if anyone but him held but, "but maybe he's trying to prove a point in some way we can't see." Abyss came back and butt-splashed the heels in opposite corners, then lifted Roode and gave him Shock Treatment leading to a two count. Rhino, Roode, and the ref got tied up and fell over the top rope to the floor. Storm sprayed Abyss with beer in the face and then gave him a bulldog. Jackie gave Storm a beer bottle. Abyss caught him as he charged with a chokeslam. Abyss grabbed the bottle. Matt Morgan entered the ring and smashed Abyss flush across his skull with a chairshot. As Dixie Carter told Congress, Abyss is such a "dummy." The ref didn't see the chairshot, but he returned to the ring and counted the pin. Afterward Morgan and Beer Money celebrated together. Morgan then hit Abyss with another chairshot to the skull as Beer Money kept Rhino out of the ring. Tenay called it a "sick shot." It is sick that TNA management, especially in light of Dixie Carter's comments to Congress about banning stiff chairshots, continues to let Abyss take stiff chairshots without regard to the likely long-term consequences.

WINNERS: Beer Money in 7:00.

STAR RATING: *

FINAL THOUGHTS: As the show progressed, they managed to make more sense out of the nonsense aspects nof the first segment by addressing some obvious points that needed to be addressed. I warmed up to most aspects of this by the end because Sting cut a really strong promo both in terms of content and delivery. It was well above par for him. Angle is always entertaining, even when the storyline is off the rails. I think the weak link early was the announcers, who didn't say what viewers were thinking and wondering, but West covered some of those bases later in the show. I liked Sting shaming Angle into not doing what Angle wanted to do. Babyfaces in the end should be smarter and more noble (and thus more admirable) than the heels, and Sting came through. What blows my mind is that it looks like they might give away an empty arena match between Sting and Angle on free TV next week? All of this build-up between Angle and Sting is going to lead to their first MEM-era match against one another on free TV?

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