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The Official Wrestling Thread (now with more news and stuff)

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Arcademan:
4 — BROCK LESNAR (w/Paul Heyman) vs. DEAN AMBROSE — No Holds Barred Street Fight match

As soon as the bell sounded, Lesnar grabbed Ambrose and smashed him into the corner. Big suplex followed. Then a second. “Two!” the crowd shouted. Ambrose shook it off, then smirked. Release German Suplex marked #3 in the first 50 seconds. Ambrose rolled to the floor and grabbed a kendo stick, which he used to blast Brock. Brock took the blows going back into the ring, but shook off the attack and snapped off suplexes #4 and 5.

Lesnar grabbed a kendo stick and snapped it over his leg, saying he doesn’t need it. German Suplex to make it #6. Dean comically indicated he’s good, then fell to the mat. Saxton took Ambrose back to Puerto Rico when he fought through batteries, prompting JBL to scream at him for comparing Brock to batteries. Suplex #7 interrupted JBL yelling at Saxton.

Lesnar then scooped up Ambrose and tossed him overhead for Suplex #8. Lesnar stepped on Ambrose as he reached for kendo sticks scraps, then let him get up. Dean thanked him with a slap to the face. Brock, agitated, stalked his prey until Dean fired back with forearm strikes. And, Brock had enough of that, landing suplex #9. (Notably, they are putting the number of suplexes on the Titantron after each one.)

Brock then picked up a kendo stick looking to take a swing for the fences. No, he didn’t need a stick. He told Ambrose to come get the stick and Dean obliged. Suddenly, Dean smashed Brock with a low-blow, sending Heyman into a tizzy. Dean smashed Brock with the kendo stick, sending him out of the ring, then he flew through the ropes with a suicide dive to the outside.

On the floor, Dean grabbed his chainsaw gifted by Terry Funk, but Lesnar suplexed him on the floor, landing #10. The crowd chanted “10, 10, 10” for the Perfect 10 Tye Dillinger NXT gimmick. It was short-lived, as Dean fired back on Brock with a chair to the back. Dean tried to climb back into the ring with the chair, but Brock stormed the ring ropes and suplexed Dean clear off the top rope for #11.

Lesnar then picked up the kendo stick and decided he wanted to use it this time, but Dean suddenly sprayed him with a fire extinguisher. Dean grabbed a chair and smashed a blinded Brock with it. Dean then put the chair in Brock’s face and nailed a running basement dropkick sending the chair into Brock’s face. Dean then climbed to the top turnbuckle and delivered a chair-aided elbow smash to the chest, resulting in a two count.

Reset at 10:00. Dean left the ring and tossed a dozen chairs into the ring as Brock recovered. Dean charged Brock with a chair, but Brock ducked and suplexed Dean over the chairs for #12. Brock actually landed on the chairs delivering the suplex. Brock got up first and picked up Dean looking for an F5 into the pile of chairs, but Dean landed on his feet and DDT’ed Brock near the chairs for a close two count.

Dean had enough of this and tossed his shirt away. Dean mocked Brock’s pose to laughs, then went under the ring looking for Mick Foley’s gifted Barbed Wire baseball bat. Dean returned to the ring eyeing Brock as his target for a swing, but Brock blocked. He then German Suplexed Dean onto the pile of chairs, marking #13. Heyman told Brock to finish him, and Brock delivered a massive F5 onto the chairs. Brock covered Dean for the pin and the win.

WINNER: Lesnar at 13:06. Expected result and they gave Dean enough offense and cool moments to not be washed away by the outcome. Just a lot tamer of a match than expected with the Street Fight stipulation. More like a WWE-style brawl focusing on one item or one weapon-aided sequence at a time. (***1/2)

Arcademan:
5 — (Former) Divas champion CHARLOTTE (w/Ric Flair) vs. SASHA BANKS vs. BECKY LYNCH — three-way match for newly introduced WWE Women’s Title

The crowd was jacked at the start of the match. Would they stay jacked once the three-way formula played out with Sasha in a bit of a tweener role and Becky the lovable, yet non-winning babyface? They built to a spot where Flair got involved from the outside. He woo’ed in Sasha’s face, so Becky came flying over the top rope splashing Flair. Flair fell on top of Becky on the way down, then rolled to the ground selling a loss of consciousness.

The match resumed in the ring with the ladies trading submissions, only to be broken up by the other participant. Charlotte even went for a moonsault resulting in a nearfall. Meanwhile, live correspondents are noting studio audience-like cues on the scoreboard, a la the Suplex Counter for Brock-Dean. Back in the ring, all three battled in the corner. Sasha ended up being upside-down in the corner, then Becky superplexed Charlotte right over Sasha.

Sasha recovered and tried to put Becky in the Bank Statement, but Charlotte threw Sasha out of the ring. She then put Becky in the figure-eight submission. Sasha tried to get back in the ring, but Flair had Sasha by the feet, preventing her from breaking it up. Becky was forced to tap out to Charlotte, keeping the gold with the Flairs. The crowd groaned.

Post-match, Saxton and JBL argued about Flair’s involvement, then Cole tried to promote the WWE marketing of a new era of women’s wrestling, etc., trying to cover for the babyfaces losing.

WINNER: Charlotte retained via submission at 16:03, ending the Divas Title era and continuing as the new WWE Women’s champion. Usually, if you have a heel who regularly cheats outside the ring and you get to a big event, you have the heel get neutralized in order for the babyface to prove his/her superiority when the heel is removed from the equation. So, the booking made no sense for this to continue at Mania. Perhaps Mania isn’t a big enough event to pay off Flair’s repeated interference with the face(s) conquering. Or, tomorrow night’s Raw is bigger than Mania. Strange. The rest of the match was strong. (***)

Arcademan:
6 — THE UNDERTAKER vs. SHANE MCMAHON — Hell in a Cell match — If Shane wins, he gains control of Raw — if Shane loses, he gives up the lockbox to Vince McMahon — if Taker loses, this is his final WrestleMania

Shane came out of his corner with a pump kick trying to pick a fight with Taker. Shane tried to fire off some right hands that Taker shook off. Shane wanted to do an MMA-style fight with kicks and blows while dancing around the ring. Taker then kneed him in the gut to take control of the Cell. He tossed Shane out of the ring to the floor next to a Cell wall.

Back in the ring, Taker knocked down Shane with a big blow, then dropped Shane with Snake Eyes, but Shane came flying out of the corner with an impressive strike. Taker kind of kneeled up to almost no-sell and shake off the move, then he threw Shane out of the ring. Taker chucked Shane into a Cell wall, then grabbed ring steps. Taker blasted Shane, then dragged him back into the ring.

Taker lifted Shane in the air and delivered a Last Ride powerbomb in the ring. But, Shane kicked out of a pin. Taker was offended by this, so he left the ring to grab the ring steps looking to end Shane, but Shane grabbed Taker in a submission. Shane pumped his fist as if he thought he was going to beat Taker. Taker sold for Shane using just one arm to keep him locked in a submission. Taker eventually broke free, then chokeslammed Shane onto the ring steps. Taker covered Shane on the ring steps, but Shane kicked/rolled out. The crowd booed a bit.

The match hit 9:00 as Taker paced the ring, then wanted a running elbow onto the ring steps, but Shane moved and Taker ate the ring steps. Taker slowly got up and Shane welcomed him to bring it again, so Taker did, and Shane moved, sending Taker face-first into the ring steps. Shane then punched away at Taker, but Taker put him in Hell’s Gate. Shane fought the hold as he groaned to sell pain. He survived Taker’s submission finish, then rolled into a submission of his own, eventually trying to put Taker in the Sharpshooter. He didn’t apply it in full, so Taker eventually kicked him away.

Taker recovered in the corner showing age as Shane punched him with right hands. Shane then went under the ring to retrieve a trashcan. Shane stomped and kicked Taker, then put the trashcan over Taker. Shane wanted the Coast-to-Coast dropkick, he balanced himself on the top rope, and he flew across the ring kicking the can into Taker’s chest.

Shane very slowly managed to cover Taker, who kicked out before three. Shane then left the ring and retrieved some wire-cutters. 17 minutes in, Shane cut open a hole in the Cell as the announcers speculated on Shane’s plans. Taker then met Shane on the floor to resume their fight trading right hand blows. Suddenly, Taker picked up Shane and threw him through the Cell wall, landing on the German announce table.

At 18:00, both men rested on the Cell wall trying to recover. Taker then punched away at Shane before clearing the ringside announce tables. He picked up the oddly-shaped TV monitor that Shane used on him last Monday on Raw and he popped it over Shane’s head. Taker then chucked Shane into the barricade and they spilled into the crowd near Sign Guy.

Taker eventually put Shane on a platform near the announce tables looking for a Tombstone, but Shane hopped on his back and applied a standing sleeperhold hanging onto Taker’s back. Drool from Taker. Taker then regrouped and flung both of them through the air and through one of the tables to break the sleeper.

Super Shane got up first and grabbed a toolbox, which he bounced off Taker’s face. He then emptied the contents of the toolbox onto Taker’s face with another box shot. Shane leaned against the Cell wall as Taker sold on the remaining announce table. Shane then looked up and the crowd went there with him. Shane bashed Taker in the face one more time with the TV monitor, then looked to the top of the Cell. Shane started climbing to the top of the Cell as Taker continued to sell on the table. Shane sold exhaustion once he got to the top of the Cell. “Shane, get down!” Cole shouted on commentary.

Shane peered over the edge of the Cell as Taker continued to sell on the table. Cole told him to think about his sons and his wife. Shane eventually stood up on the Cell, took a careful step forward to the edge, crossed himself, and dove off the Cell like a kid jumping off the high dive for a first time going into 10-foot-deep water. As Shane came falling down, Taker moved out of the way and Shane crashed right through the table, landing with his butt in the air over his head. Refs immediately checked on Shane, whose eyes fluttered selling being KO’ed. Cole freaked out on commentary, then Taker shot a look like this kid is crazy and he just avoided being killed if Shane connected with the dive.

Taker slowly came back to his feet after getting over the shock of Shane’s big flying attempt. Suddenly, Shane got up and told Taker to bring it. So, Taker punched him, then dragged him back into the ring. Taker was slow to recover to his feet as Shane sold losing feeling in his body five minutes removed from the dive. Taker then told Shane to bring it. Shane told him to bring it back, so Taker patted him on the cheek, picked him up in the air, and delivered a Tombstone in the middle of the ring. Taker covered Shane for the pin and the win.

Post-match: Cole said Taker’s WrestleMania legacy is intact and he will be able to continue at WrestleMania. The announcers then talked up Shane wanting to be an agent of change for WWE. They talked up Shane’s guts before noting Taker’s Mania record of 23-1.

Taker then left the ring and slowly walked up the entrance ramp as a cart went flying past him down to the ring. Apparently it was to help Shane out of the ring. Shane writhed on the mat selling the effects of the match before EMTs entered the ring to place Shane on a backbrace and get him out of the ring. Meanwhile, the announcers talked about Shane going to extreme lengths wanting to prove his legacy and be an agent of change in WWE. WWE replayed Shane going off the Cell through a table before cutting back to Shane being placed on the backbrace and taken out of the ring on a cart as the crowd applauded. So dramatic trying to finish off the story. Shane did the Thumbs Up gimmick on the way out before pounding his chest.

WINNER: Taker at 30:05. They went for an epic Mania story, but it was Shane McMahon, a non-wrestler against Undertaker in one of Taker’s last WrestleMania matches. Just a weird deal from start to finish.

Arcademan:
In-ring: Wrestlers started filling the ring for the Andre the Giant battle royal. Baron Corbin from NXT was in the mix. So was Tatanka. Mark Henry got his own ring entrance, introduced from Silsbee, Texas. Henry threw up the Hook ‘Em Horns as Cole talked up Henry coming home to East Texas for WrestleMania. Kane’s music then played to bring him out. Bang! Diamond Dallas Page’s music played to bring out DDP as a special entrant. Product Placement in full effect with a DDPYoga t-shirt. Big Show got an entrance, too, as the defending champion. Everyone stared at Show, then new music played. It was Shaq storming the ring as the final entrant.

7 — 20-MAN ANDRE THE GIANT BATTLE ROYAL

The bell sounded for Shaq and Big Show to have a big staredown. Then, they double chokeslammed Kane. The whole ring cleared out for Shaq and Big Show to resume their Guest-Star Era feud. Fandango entered the ring and got tossed. Damien Sandow then entered and got tossed to boos. Shaq and Show then had a double chokeslam grip battle, leading to the rest of the battle royal entering the match trying to push both men out of the ring. Shaq was dumped over the top, then Show was dumped over the top for two eliminations. Show and Shaq shook hands before leaving to the back.

The battle royal resumed with the rest of the guys battling amongst themselves after WWE got their big spot of the match out of the way in the opening minutes. Suddenly, Page dropped Viktor with a Diamond Cutter. Connor then dumped out Page. Connor was then eliminated.

Suddenly, Tatanka started feeling it with the ’90s foot stomp no-selling Adam Rose. Tatanka delivered a nostalgia top-rope chop, then measured Rose for a clothesline, but Corbin dumped Tatanka over the top rope. Corbin laughed to himself, then Kane eliminated Jack Swagger. Curtis Axel, wearing PacSun board shorts, went after Kane for a bit.

Truth tried to get some shine, but he got dumped out. Goldust then took a dive from the Social Outcasts, who were ruling the ring. Slater, Bo Dallas, Axel, and Rose did a victory lap around the ring, drawing Kane’s ire. Kane stopped all four in their tracks and they ended up running into Corbin. Axel was eliminated, then Rose. Kane chokeslammed Corbin, though. Henry then dumped out Slater. Tyler Breeze tried to attack Henry, so Henry dumped him over the top rope.

It was down to Henry, Kane, Corbin, Bo Dallas, and Darren Young, who was hiding most of the match. Suddenly, D-Young and Kane dumped Henry out of the ring. Young got himself fired up, so Kane eliminated him. Corbin then eliminated Kane from behind to win the battle royal. Corbin fired up and posed with the Andre statue down at ringside.

WINNER: Corbin at 9:41. This is a weird show. (n/a)

Arcademan:
After a pause, Lilian Garcia introduced The Rock. Big reception for Rock, who emerged on-stage, then pulled out a weapon or something. A t-shirt gun? It was a fire gun. JBL called it a flame-thrower. Rock flashed the flame a few times on the stage, then started walking down the stage. Rock told the crowd that he sees them and flamed the air again.

Suddenly, there was a giant “R-O-C-K” sign off-stage. Rock set the letters on-fire. Rock then walked through Cowboys cheerleaders lining the entrance ramp down to the ring. Rock entered the ring and posed for the crowd, sweating profusely. Rock’s music stopped and he did the routine milking the crowd before speaking.

“Finally, Rock has come back to Dallas.” They’re actually in Arlington. Rock said that means Rock has finally come back to WrestleMania. Rock said that entrance was on-fire. He shouted out to the cheerleaders, then “this crowwwwwwd.” Rock said he sees a lot of happy people out there. A lot of smiling faces. He said a lot of people are going to go home and make some WrestleMania babies. He’ll check back in nine months.

Rock said this is the moment he’s been talking about for months. He said this is his place – one mic, one ring, and the millions … and millions. Rock said he told everyone they were going to come to Dallas and make history. He said records are made to be broken. Rock said it is with great honor that he informs everyone that tonight they have officially broken the WrestleMania Attendance Record.

The screen flashed 101,763, topping the marketed 93k at WrestleMania 3. Rock’s music played, making it seem like this was the end of his appearance.

Suddenly, the Wyatt theme played. The stadium lit up with cell phones and the like as Rock stood his ground in the ring. WWE obviously booked the Wyatts for this segment for this visual. Bray Wyatt led Erick Rowan and Braun Strowman down to the ring as Cole recapped their roles behind Bray.

Bray stopped at the ringside area and introduced himself to Mr. Rock. Bray approached the ring apron with his henchmen. Bray said he chose Rock because he represents success and greatness. Bray then entered the ring and told Rock that he represents a lie. He told Rock that this is not his moment. He said this is definitely not the fans’s moment. Bray told Mr. Rock that this is his moment. “I am going to eviscerate you on the grandest stage of them all,” Bray said. “And I’m going to make them watch every second of it.”

Rock contemplated Bray’s words, then spoke. “So, let The Rock get this straight,” Rock said. You came out here to interrupt people making babies and there’s no formal greeting? Instead you come out here with your gimmick before going to Cracker Barrel? Rock said Bray comes out here acting like he’s been high for eight straight days. Braun and Erick tried to storm the ring, but Bray held them back. Rock told Rowan that his parents are clearly related. And Braun looks like he’s been breast-fed since he was 26.

Rock wanted to address Bray. He knows who he is. Rock said Bray has it all. “The ability, the charisma, the tats, the beard, and leadership,” Rock said. He told Bray he made 100,000 people hold their phones in the air. But, what do you do with that? You run some gibberish and now he’s knocking on a door he doesn’t want answered. Bray said he didn’t come here to knock on a door, but kick one down.

Bray said Rock has no idea who he’s fooling with. Rock said he has an idea. Rock removed his tanktop ready to fight. He said this is what they’re going to do in the Big D. They’re not going to have a WrestleMania fight, but a WrestleMania match. Rock said it could be Bray or these two monkeys, but someone is getting their *** kicked.

Rock removed his warm-up pants, revealing his signature Brahma Bull trunks. He then pulled out his elbow pads and prepared to wrestle. Rowan and Rock went face-to-face for about 30 seconds, then Rock told a ref to hit the bell.

8 — THE ROCK vs. ERICK ROWAN

Bell, charge, kick to the stomach, Rock Bottom, and three count.

WINNER: Rock at 0:06. Well, that was that.

The announcers hyped that as a WrestleMania match record. The Wyatts wanted more, though, and surrounded Rock in the ring. Suddenly, John Cena’s music played. Cena stormed out on-stage and bounced down the stage conducting the crowd in a “John Cena Suuucks” sing-song. Cena stormed the ring and stood tall with Rock as the Wyatts held their ground on the ring apron.

Cena and Rock then teed off on the Wyatts. Rock Bottom to Braun Strowman. Sit-out slam to Rowan to boos. Cena then dropped the Five Knuckle Shuffle on Rowan. Rowan popped up into an AA, then Bray Wyatt hit the ring and took a spinebuster from Rock. Rock looked deeply into the hard camera, then removed his elbow pad and tossed it into the crowd. People’s Elbow to Bray Wyatt.

Rock then took the mic and welcomed Cena back before signing off. His music played and he celebrated with Cena, who left the ring before Rock. Cena and Rock reunited on the stage to wrap up their segment.

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