Fan Work > CCS Fan Creations
Runaway
Hikari B.:
You're doing good so far. ^^ I do wish that some paragraphs could be a bit longer. Keep going! ^^
moezychan:
--- Quote from: Hikari_Blaze on May 20 2006, 09:09 am ---You're doing good so far. ^^ I do wish that some paragraphs could be a bit longer. Keep going! ^^
--- End quote ---
Arigatou. ^_^ I will make the chapters and paragraphs longer as the fanfic continues. I usually start off short and then extend it.
Arcademan:
Great follow-up to the first chapter. I wouldn't worry too much about the length of the paragraphs since the conversation between the characters are going back and forth frequently...the story had a very good and steady flow to it.
The word 'plane' is misspelled as 'plain' but that's the only fault I've seen. You may consider using italiced letters when thoughts are being said...to show difference between thoughts and actual speech however that's more of a suggestion than a rule. I use that system in all of my online stories.
Great use of emotions between everyone and look forward to the next installment. Well done :)
moezychan:
Thank you for pointing that out, and for the suggestions. I'll consider using that in the next chapter. And I look forward to your comments on my next chapter.
Arcademan:
Also to add...having the doctor come out and say that Sakura 'survived' the surgery...you may want to re-phrase that comment. For some reason, that statement sounds a bit cold. Perhaps something more subtle to describe the moment may work better...like 'Sakura's surgery went well and I believe she will pull through.' or something similar to that. After all, doctors are suppose to install comfort in their words as well as medical aid.
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